anxiety, authors, bipolar, books, kindle, Life, migraines, Uncategorized

I Know, I Know… I’m THE WORST at being consistent with my page…

So, it’s been a month.  Eventful, and not so much at the same time.  Getting settled in LA, and a semi daily routine.  After being here a week or two I was hit with so much emotion and stress from various things that I had to go to the Emergency Room with a panic attack.  Let’s start from there!

My beginning few weeks I had to wait for furniture that was continuously never delivered as promised.  I had a mattress and bags and boxes around me at all times.  Because almost everyday Wayfair PROMISED that my furniture would arrive I stayed in my room, watching TV and sweating from the heat because I only had a fan to cool the room.  Occasionally, I would leave to do things like go to Target and little government things I had to take care of immediately like healthcare insurance and EBT in California.  My furniture FINALLY arrived in a span of 10 days boxes trickled in.  Then I had to put it together.  I cannot emphasize enough how terrible Wayfair is as a company.  They ended up reordering ALL of my furniture, and letting me keep the original order when it came to my house.  FYI, the last box arrived three days ago.  Over a month after my original order.  In addition, parts were missing from my dresser, and there was no way to get the extra parts at the hardware store or anywhere.  So… I have three drawers that the faces will come off if I pull them too hard,  Seriously… Wayfair is the worst.  I’m hopefully selling my extra furniture this week.

On the health front, I have been doing amazingly well aside from the stomach bug that I caught at the end of this week after getting a doctor’s appointment so that I could get my thyroid and potassium checked.  Also, I needed referrals to a psychiatrist and therapist to schedule appointments.  Thanks Aetna… I have had to get my potassium checked frequently for about a year because my weight is always teetering around 100 lbs and it gets low.  And now I have to take prescribed potassium… yay! Over the last week or so I have been noticing how much I need talk therapy.  It has been two months since my last visit, but like I mentioned before I had to wait a month for a referral.  My bipolar traits have been coming and going.  I have been cycling some because I haven’t had talk therapy.  I haven’t met any friends yet other than occasionally hanging out with one of my roommates.  Migraines are non existent with the exception of one that I had as my Aimovig was wearing off, which I have discovered is normal for me.  Also, the first day of and after the shot I feel like absolute shit within 20 mins of the injection, so I plan to stay in those days.

Good things have been consistent.  I get to explore a lot of amazing places, and meet random people.  I have found my regular coffee shop in Silver Lake that is apart of my daily routine for a few hours a day about five times a week.  I can sit outside, get on my laptop and read in really pleasant weather.  I finally got to do two bucket list items in one week!  I went to see Paul Scheer and Friends at Largo, and see The Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight.  Both were great, but I was so excited to go to the Paul Scheer show because I listen to his podcasts, and watch tv/movies he’s in.  Also, if you don’t already follow him on Instagram and Twitter.  My next bucket list item is to see a live recording of the Podcast How Did This Get Made.  Seriously check it out on whatever you have for podcasts.

I started my focus again for reading.  I have always found myself submersed in an activity for a period of time, and then I go back to it after months of a break.  Last week I finished two books (both memoirs) in three days.  I already have two more books that I have lined up/started.  Unfortunately, with that discipline of being immersed for a period of time it has kept me from writing for a while.  I have tried a few times to essay, but I get  a block.  In addition, I am in a limbo when it comes to figuring out what I want to do with my books.  I have been turned down by every agent that I have queried so far, so it’s a little disheartening after all of the positive responses to what I have written not only by friends, but strangers.  Right now I am trying to decide if I should regroup all together and take my books off Amazon, and try the route of looking for a publisher.  I am really undecided about how I am going to handle this.  I usually am good at making decisions, so this is really annoying me and always at the back of my mind.  I hate indecisiveness and that’s exactly what I am dealing with.

Okay, I’ve babbled enough.  Any advice on what to do about my books are 100% welcomed and encouraged.  Thanks if you read all of this!!!

Much Love.

anxiety, authors, bipolar, books, kindle, Life, migraines, Uncategorized

I’m FINALLY writing about my cross country move!

Okay, so I promise nightly updates, but after driving 10 or 12 hours a day, and through four time zones in four days… it couldn’t happen.  On top of that Wayfair sent ALL of my furniture to North Carolina instead of my house in LA.  After three calls and redirects it is supposed to arrive Monday or Tuesday.  They also gave me a refund of $160 and when the old items arrive I can sell them or give them away.  Because of all of that I have had a mattress and everything I own sprayed out round it.  It has given me mild anxiety, and I did not even open my laptop until two weeks ago.  So, now to get some release and focus I am at a coffee shop in Silverlake to type to you about my completely amazing experience.

Photo on 10-6-18 at 11.43 AM

To start out on the migraine front… LA has changed my quality of life.  I now know how it feels to be a “normal” person and not spending a lot of time inside or in my bed… or at the Emergency Room.  Before I was using two boxes of tissues a month.  In a week I have only used three tissues.  I can breathe well, so I can sleep well.  I am not even taking Klonopin in the morning anymore!  My entire day is headache free and I am awake all day, and sleeping deeper than I have in ten years without having to get massive amounts of medication at the hospital.  OK, cool.

So, the move.  I am not exaggerating when I say that it was the most amazing experience in 38 years of my life.  It felt better than anytime I graduated from a school or got a new job.  I cannot advocate enough how much you should do a cross country trip by yourself if you have the opportunity!  It really doesn’t seem like you are in the car for over 40 hours in four days because there always random and notable places to stop.  By the way, my pictures are posted on my instagram page by the day I traveled.  I left North Carolina later than I planned to because I overpacked my Yaris and had to make space to see outside the back of the car.  So, a lot of stuff I wanted to bring like photo albums and some clothes were left, but will eventually be shipped to me.  After it was finally arranged (it took almost two hours, I went to breakfast with my mom (my dad is NOT happy that I moved across the country even though my health with be better…).  So, I ended up leaving almost four hours later than planned.  I will not lie, the first day, a Tuesday was uneventful.  I lived in Nashville for a year, and I have lived or traveled all over North Carolina, so it was old territory for the first six hours.  My car gets amazing gas milage and to fill up was only around $25 every five-ish hours.  Overall the entire trip probably cost me at the most $400 in gas and $120 for three nights of hotels (shout out to Hotels.com).  That day I finally pulled over in Memphis in time to order food and watch This Is Us.  I’m a sucker for that show.  The only complaint that I had about Memphis is the light traffic because it was around rush hour.  The hotel (I won’t say the chain’s name) was a non-smoking room, but the stench left over from when it was a smoking room was so strong that the bag of clothes I took for my drive smelled like old cigarettes for my entire trip.

The second day I traveled through Arkansas, which I found to be an ugly state (sorry if you live there).  Then through Oklahoma.  It was actually very beautiful, very flat, and any random town that I drove through looks like it could have been the inspiration for the movie “Footloose”.  I ended my day just outside of Oklahoma about twenty miles into Texas.  It was Shamrock, Texas.  To my surprise it was actually on Route 66 and home of one of the places that was mentioned on places you must see off of I-40.  It was an old gas station/restaurant that was preserved, but not in service.  I decided to take a cool picture, then find a place to eat.  Since I was in Texas I decided to eat Mexican food.  There was one restaurant, and it was in no way authentic.  It even had a broken fountain/sculpture (I did not add that picture, but if you want to see it, let me know and I will post it.  The food was actually good.  Let me describe the town of Shamrock, Texas.  The best way to portray the town is that it was similar to a town you would see on “60 Mins” or “Dateline” as one of the cities that has been hit majorly by the opioid crisis.  You could tell that the city was once really nice a few decades ago, and a place you should visit, but everything about the time was ironic.  I stayed at a local motel, and because the state of the town it was only $40 for the night.  The Shamrock Inn was surprisingly VERY nice.  The room was better than the one I got at the major chain the night before.  They even gave you free drinks in your room, and modern electronics and USB ports provided.  The only thing that caused me some worries is that there was not a deadbolt on the door.  The city was very safe though, and I slept very well after a night of wine and TV to unwind from my drive.  I would recommend staying there as a stopping point for a night, but not a must see place to take the time to get off your route for.

The next day I obviously started off in Texas and was just outside of the place that I actually wanted to see… the Cadillac Ranch.  Okay, so, you can see the pictures and they are pretty cool.  The only thing that I realized was that Texas apparently gets cold.  And it is cold AND windy at 6:30am.  Like really cold, below 50 degrees.  So, if you want to visit I suggest midday or in the afternoon because I literally ran past the gate, took two pictures and then ran back to my car.  Even though I had on a cardigan and shorts, it was not enough.  I wished that I could have looked at the details more.  If you are not familiar with the Cadillac Ranch it is 6 or so cars sitting on their trunk areas raised in the air with tons of spray paint and tagging.  After leaving there I eventually got to where I wanted to stop in Arizona after speeding through New Mexico with a stop for food and an eye break in Albuquerque.  The mesas are beautiful!  I eventually got to my stopping point in Winslow, AZ which I was SUPER amped to go to!  I love The Eagles, and had to stop and take pictures, get post cards for friends (I still haven’t sent them) and my dad a mousepad for his birthday, which is next week (and I still haven’t mailed it).  I think that I have officially caught the California chill vibe.  LOL.  After getting a hotel room I went to bed really early to get up at 4:30am to drive to The Grand Canyon in time for sunrise the next morning.

So, I undershot the time that I should have left to get there exactly at sunrise.  If you plan to get there that early be aware that it is not a short drive off of I-40.  After exiting I-40 there is one two lane local road that leads to the park.  And there is NOTHING to look at or a gas station until you are about a mile from the gate.  So, gas up because I didn’t and when I exited the park I had to pay $5 a gallon because my gas light was on, and I would have never made it back to I-40.  Also, I learned upon ordering at the McDonald’s next to it that location can set their own prices.  My breakfast meal was $16.  I almost shit on myself and repeatedly questioned the cashier, “Is that correct?”  Then she explained the reason for the cost.  Another thing to know before you enter the park to the Grand Canyon is that it costs $35 to enter.  So, unless you never plan on going again, or want to camp there or see the museums or hike… now you know.  I coughed up the money just so I could get pictures at dawn because I did not make it at sunrise.  It was still breathtaking anyway and I got beautiful photos and videos.  I highly suggest going for sunrise/dawn.  Also, plan on taking a jacket or sweater… even in September.  Around the time that I was leaving the park my coolant light continuously flickered on and off so luckily I found a station that added more coolant for free.  The final leg of my trip was getting to my new home in LA.  It took longer than expected because there were a lot of lane closures, but the traffic was not bad.

The takeaway from my trip.  Like I said it was amazing, and I am so glad that I did it alone for many reasons.  After the past few years I was ready to be just on my own like I had been for years before I got sick.  Another reason is that I was able to because I am not married/dating anyone and I don’t have children.  This is in one way a luxury that those who do have both or one of those things would have a different experience.  I was able to decide where to go and when to stop.  I wasn’t limited or had to conform to a child’s timeline/patience.  Also, I never know if I will have the opportunity again.  A year from now I could be in a relationship and I may be in a completely different place in my life.  If I would have told my 18, 22, or even 30 year old self that I would be doing this and be live in LA… I would have never believed it.  I didn’t even know until four months ago that it was not only an option for me or how much I would love it.  Until then I was dead set on moving to New York.  I was getting so frustrated trying to make it there and at the time I did not know why things were not working out or were so difficult.  When my finances unexpectedly changed I had the option to move to LA, and everything was so seamless.  Within a weekend I visited for the weekend with my friends, I found a place to live, and then three weeks later… here I am!  I have always believed that things happen the way for a reason, and the past few years have definitely tested my patience, but in the end my experience made this life change so much more gratifying.  It’s also pretty nice to be able to wear a sundress in October, but I will miss all of my cozy sweaters and jackets.  I bought a few tickets to music shows and comedy shows to get out, and see all of the things that only happen here that I have always wanted to see.  The only thing that is missing, and I know that it has only been a little over a week, is friends.  I plan on volunteering and doing temp work, and applied for a meet up group, so hopefully that will help out.  My housemates are great, so that makes it even better.

For now I will listen to more Spotify, drink my third cup of coffee outside in the 72 degree weather from outside of a coffee shop.  I’m even considering writing a book about my move!  Incase you haven’t figured out this east coast lady has gone full on best coast.  I love LA.

anxiety, authors, bipolar, books, kindle, Life, migraines, Uncategorized

Roller coaster

9D2895BC-B92F-4F37-AEC9-54B0657422E1.jpeg

It’s been quite a couple months. I have been horrible with my promise of blogging regularly.  So much has been going on in the past month and a half emotionally and with things outside of my control, which have left me frustrated.

I mentioned before that my bipolar was kicking in. I tried for a while to get through it all without going back on an antidepressant. I was off one for over six months and went back on one today. I was laying in bed a lot, not even watching tv, going to bed at 6 or 7pm and chalking it up to my migraines. I thought that if I got away for a week I would feel better and get out of my rut. I went to San Francisco and visited a good friend and had an amazing week!  Then I got back, and found myself really depressed again. So…

Another strain is that I’m looking for a place to live in New York on my limited budget, and it is extremely difficult because most places require 40x your income and a high credit score. Because I was sick, I didn’t have utilities in my name for three years, so I don’t have a credit score, even though I have a line of credit, and I definitely don’t get make 40x the rental cost.

Starting over at 38 is hard. I know that things happen the way they should, and that timing is everything, but it doesn’t make it less frustrating.

On the book front… I have gotten some agents rejections, but some have been personable and not standard.  They have said really nice things about the chapters I submitted. I continually get good reviews on goodreads and Amazon (FYI to other Amazon authors… they have pulled as well as not posted reviews from my book’s page. I don’t know if it’s a random IT thing or what, but it’s annoying.) I did get a 1 star review but it was hilarious, especially when I read the person’s profile. I didn’t fit into her genres, so of course I wasn’t her cup of tea. It also made me feel validated. Even Harry Potter books have 1 star reviews!  Long and short, I need to put in work again because I slacked off and I need to promote, look for an agent and fine new avenues to get readers.

I hope all of you are doing great!  Thanks if you read all of this!

Much Love!

anxiety, authors, bipolar, books, kindle, Life, migraines, Uncategorized

They’re Free TODAY!!! (Sat & Sun)

Amazon Author’s Page

Hey Guys!

Both of my books went free today for Memorial Day weekend on Amazon Kindle!  Please repost!  Much Love!

anxiety, authors, bipolar, books, kindle, Life, migraines, Uncategorized

Submissions, Submission, Submissions

Hi guys!

This morning has been all about submitting some of my first book to review by publishing agents.  It’s not difficult, just tedious and repetitive.  A lot of pasting in the body of emails.  Luckily, I found a website that lists alphabetically all agents of nonfiction/memoirs that have emails that you can submit to… it’s been over an hour and I just got to the “C’s”.  So, let’s all hope that this will help along with the past bouts with submissions since my first publication.

On a good note, my first book is still being read steadily on Kindle Unlimited (yay!) and hopefully this weekend when I have my three free download days I will get a lot of response for both books.

So how are you guys?  Today, I am okay.  No headache so far… all week is an on and off storm here so I am just biding time until I have to go to the Emergency Room.  Let’s hope that I don’t, but based on statistics with me…  Anxiety has been okay.  It may amp up a bit over the weekend with the whole book download thing.  I already check my Kindle updates a lot, but I get a little absorbed when it comes to people actually owning something I wrote.

Well, I wanted to be better about getting on here, so I wanted to check in and say hello!

Much Love!