Life, Uncategorized

Bloggin’ Out


Hey People!

Sorry the long lag!  It’s been a long week.  I’ve either been at the hospital or at home in bed.  I did get out for a few hours yesterday to go to a festival with a friend and her toddler though.  Don’t worry, I had my MacBook with me as always at the Emergency Room typing away for my upcoming book that I am publishing in a few weeks, “Anxiety Too”.  Nothing keeps me (too) down.  All of you who also have chronic migraine know how we cope!

I did get good news yesterday… I got approved for a Medicaid program that approves my medical expenses for a year!  I am beyond thankful and excited.  Just another step in my road to finalizing all of my disability loose ends.

Aside from working on the book I am hard on the search for an apartment in New York or Brooklyn.  It has been VERY difficult.  It doesn’t matter what city you are looking to rent in, it’s a challenge.  My flight up to see places was pushed back due to medical appointments, so… If you have any leads on roommates or places under $700/month, let me know!

I hope that all of you are having a great end of the weekend.  Back to writing!  FYI, my book is still for sale on Amazon Should I Have Told You That? Six star review, and not just from friends!!!!  Consistent reads on Kindle Unlimited!

Much Love!

P.S.  If you have not check out John Mulaney’s new Netflix special “Kid Gorgeous”!

Life, Uncategorized

Just Making It


Today is a rough day, I am not going to lie.  I have actually had a rough week.  I usually try to make it to a coffee shop a few times a week to relax and write, but I did not make it once this week.  Most of the week has been spent under my weighted blankets (32 lbs) on  my bed with a migraine, or crying with an anxiety attack, and writing somewhere in-between.  I went to the Emergency Room twice this week due to migraines, and neither time was fun.  I have started getting anxiety attacks about going there because I do know all of the doctors and nurses and I feel horrible that they see me all of the time during my migraine season.  Even though they have all told me that they are glad to see me as a patient in the sense that I am easy because they know what to give me, how to set up the IV for me because they know where to after seeing my arms so many times.  Even after hearing that, knowing that the little airplane next to my name signifying that I am a “frequent flyer” there still makes me uneasy.  I even took my MacBook to the Emergency Room and pounded out a story for my new book before getting meds!  So, I am trying to amp myself up by listening to a Motown mix on Spotify.

On a good front though a little disability news.  I spoke to my Medicaid case worker on Wednesday and got some things cleared up, so it looks like I will be approved for a program that I qualify that basically covers all of my medical premiums and copays, etc.  Yay!

Another positive, I woke up this morning and after taking a shower checked my twitter notifications and saw that a tweet that I sent out three weeks ago about my book was retweeted, and the tweet has been seen over 2K times, and is still growing by the hour!  I spent the day yesterday submitting to agents, and writing.

So far today, my best friend (of almost thirty-years next year) has been adding in memories of things that I forgot about of stories that I started writing.  This really warms my heart because with my first book she stood back during my process of writing and publishing, then waited to read the book with everyone else when it came out.  Now, she is reading stories when I send them along and showing coworkers to prove these things actually happened!

Sorry for a long blog.  I hope everyone is doing well, and that you are all more productive than me today… or as productive as your body lets you be!

Much Love

Life, Uncategorized



I’m going to be honest, it’s been a rough few days.  I have not been able to communicate with really anyone since Saturday other than errands I had to run to get my disability  things in further order.  Starting Sunday I woke up with a migraine, that eventually led me to the hospital, a day of recovery, then a day of severe depression (with crying in the fetal position) out of nowhere, and finalized by anxiety attacks all night, until ending this morning. So, I decided that I needed to do some self care.  I made some coffee, two English muffins, and forced myself to sit on my couch and watch three hours of late night comedy clips (I LOVE Seth Meyers) and a few sitcoms.  Now, I am recharged, and listening to an eighties mix on Spotify while I prepare to write a few stories for the next book that I hope to put out before Memorial Day weekend.

For a book update, I sold/downloaded more books than expected, and I only hope to get more notice over the holiday weekend.  I got a lot of great reviews, and not just from close friends!  So, overall I am very happy about it.  My stats are even showing there are people picking it up on kindle unlimited consistently now.  My next book is titled “Anxiety Too” and eventually I will slowly reveal why in-between more explanations of my disability acquisition process.  I know my goal was to update this daily, but as you know with the bipolar brain… shit happens, and it’s not when you plan it to.

Anyway, I hope that everyone’s weekend went well!  Fell free to share the good and the bad with me if you want or need to chat!

Much Love.


Life, Uncategorized


IT’S FINALLY HERE!  I’m so nervous and excited! t’s 6:45am and I’m hoping that I get a lot of downloads today of my book. So far I have 3 and it was just released 3 hours ago! Get it for free ASAP! “Should I Have Told You That?” on Amazon Download my book it’s FREE TODAY ON  It’s 6:45am! Listen to me! Should I Have Told You That?Should_I_have_Told_Y_Cover_for_Kindle

Life, Uncategorized

Everyone Asks How I Got Disability… Let’s Start with YEARS.

Okay, so like I mentioned before this will not be an easy answer or a short explanation.  I will break it up into as many chewable bites as possible.  It is not the same for everyone, and from what I have heard from various other people who receive disability, all of our cases were approached a different way.

I applied overall five times.  Five times over six years.  9 of 10 times you will be denied straight out the first time that you apply.  I have only me ONE person who was never denied.  A big question is, “What do you do when you are sick, and can’t work because you need to be on disability?”  The answer.  You work.  Okay, that’s a little hypocritical coming from me.  For the last application through acceptance I lived with my parents, and did not work.  I was extremely lucky.  When you wake up blind some mornings or can’t get our of bed for various reasons, you can’t go to work.  If you do make it to a job when you are working sometimes you get written up for being late, or calling out too much.

When you are bipolar you have ways that you cope with what is going on with your life.  I was a women’s clothing retail manager for almost fifteen years, and there is a saying that “If you work in retail you have to be on something.”  It’s true.  Over the years, a lot of coworkers would arrive for their shifts stoned so that they could deal with customers, coworkers, and management.  Before I was diagnosed, I coped after work by drinking a lot. a lot.  After I was diagnosed, I was doped up on psych medications.  Anyone can literally drive you crazy in retail.  The worst are your direct managers, and here are a few of my favorites…

First of all, not everyone needs a college degree, but if you have a degree, like I do, in the field of Apparel and I am in management of an apparel store, I kind of have an idea of how to do my job well.  Much of the time people who did not go to college end up being your manager because they had an extra four years of work on you while you were in college.  So, sometimes they feel intimidated by you and are threatened and will take your job.  I had a manager that was only a couple years older than me, and she was the literal definition of hot mess.  She would do things like call out from work because her “step daughter’s vagina hurt” and she had to take her to the doctor.  She let her three year old play with a cactus, and constantly yelled at me for making any decision regarding staffing.  Once she was so angry that I hired an employee that we did not agree on, but we had to hire someone for the holiday weekend that she called the store screaming at me on the phone.  She was so loud that my sales associates heard the entire tirade by just standing near the phone’s receiver.  I could tell you a million stories about her, but I finally got so unstable that I went to see my psychiatrist and he immediately put me on short term leave.  To shorten the outcome of this work environment, when I came back three months later, the manager was gone.  The company knew that you were not allowed to let go an employee from the company immediately after they returned from short term leave, so they waited three months, found a replacement and then wrote me up three times in two weeks so that they could punish me for taking a leave.  Mine was for mental health.  Another ex-coworker had the same experience except she had a hysterectomy.  I won’t say the name of the retailer but I will say that the last name of it is another name for someone who does alterations.


(Just before I took my immediate short-term leave for a “mental break” as ordered by my psychiatrist.)

That is my story about a crazy manager for the day, but it was around then that I applied, and was denied for the third time for disability.  When you receive the letter, you have the option to appeal the claim.  You should. I did not the first four times.  Most people think that it will cost money to do it.  The only initial cost that I had was from my psychiatrist.  After you appeal and are rejected, you can find a lawyer, and you only pay them, if you win/receive disability.  For example, I appealed, met with a paralegal, filled out forms, and got forms for my doctors to complete.  My psychiatrist filled out a large stack of papers, probably ten or more pages front and back, regarding my medical history.  The only charge I had was $60 from her office for the time billed to do the paperwork.  The other doctors, if you have them for other issues fill out their papers.  All of that goes to your paralegal.

It gets more complicated.  Next time I will tell you about age, severity, and what is seen by the government if you are working while you have applied, and how you actually have a job, i.e. money to live.

This is just the tip o the iceberg…